Monday, February 12, 2007

Waitangi Day Crawl and Church

There is perhaps an unwritten rule, shaped over time in regards to the fashion of men. This rule I would regard as the cornerstone in how ‘Men’ approach fashion, a rule so strong that to break can bring the wrath and ridicule from other men. A type of clothing one only jokes about at the pub or is seen on TV. This kind of clothing should only see the day of light wrapped around Women’s nubile bodies or at a stretch (No pun intended) the more ‘feminine’ chaps who indulge there Saturday mornings at the local Pump class down at les Mills. Lycra, yes people the fabric that can conjure up lovely pictures of women jogging around lake Pupuke, and on the other hand one of Richard Simmons covered head to toe in the stuff! You see men are not meant to wear the stuff! Full Stop.

Pushing the boundaries of fashion has always been one of the Elderstatemen’s secret agendas, and this time we had an idea that would not just go over the line, in fact we would just skate right by it! Full body Lycra anyone, sure why not. Leave you embarrassment at the door lads.

We had heard about the infamous NZ Waitangi Day Circle Line Pub Crawl for some time, a bit on an institution if you will, starting some 30yrs pervious on a cold Feb 6. The idea is to meet up with fellow Kiwis and make you way round the Circle line on the tube, stopping at each stop and partaking in a drink at one of the bars! Simple. But being Kiwi’s we add spice by dressing up and making certain rules on the trains (e.g. not holding on ect.)


Being one of 8,000 requires a special kind of dress-up. One designed to stand out from the crowd while being patriotic to home. So the NZ Winter Olympic Speed Skating Team was born. I had sourced my mate Zhang from China to make our uniform (thanks eBay).

15 Lads had been chosen to represent our country, it was a hotly contested makeup, but in the end the boys gelled well as a unit. We had a few lads fly in from over seas, Marty Veale who was fresh from off the slopes in Japan, Jeremy Cameron coming of a high season in Amsterdam, and the Ménage á Trois from Dublin of Seamus, Harbott and Tokaroa where they have been putting in the yards at the local Rink. Also a huge London contingent brought together for the day, Leper and Johnny Foreigner taking time off from Disney on Ice to get here. Dan Dalton, Garrett and Sammy Gunn putting their figure skating dream on hold for a few more days. Plus a big hand must go to the lads from the 666 summer athletic association for competing out of season, Softy, Hick, Mutt and Geoff….in the cold conditions you all stood out!

The uniform ceremony will always live strong in my memory, a special time when one slides on the skin tight speed skate suit for the first time. Yes, it may take a few other lads to help you into the thing, which attends to its tightness…luckily the lads were not in need of talcum power or baby oil, which was in plenty full supply for some reason. The feeling of Lycra on the skin has to be experienced, and those 15 lads will attest to this fact. Like an All black pulling on the fern the first time, we all new the significance! A funnier scene I can not envision, 15 lads in skin tight Lycra, hoods, gloves, booties and perhaps a old rugby sock down the front to balance up what mother nature seemed to forget (Plus it was about 4deg).


So the day kicked off with a roof top Churchill style speech from Team Captain Steven T Harbott, and he laid down the Games and Teams for the day. I’ll skip this part for now, because other than the first pub, the Teams and games plan fell to pieces quicker than a Black Caps tour to OZ. Being sober and feeling naked forced the lads to crash a few cans back, deep breath then hit the streets of Fulham to make our way up to the Start line at Paddington Station.

Below is the actual Start of the Day! Top form from myself in the last play.



We had all practiced our Speed skating walk, and quickly got into rhythm on the Street. I must admit, the locals must have wondered what in gods name was going on as 15 lads in perfect formation cruised past (At High Speed). We arrived at the first station to absolute bedlam, thousands of kiwis all drinking on the street and having a great laugh. Heading into a corner pub, once again getting plenty a funny look, plus many invitations and arse grabs! But not ours ;-)

We gathered outside the pub to play the first (and only) Gold medal match, Curling. Which involved a empty beer can and a circle. Needless to say my team pulled off a tense victory and a mighty celebration was had. All 15 lads then lined up in skater mode and speed skated off in front of about 2000 people all cheering and clapping! One of the funniest moments ever. The next 2 hrs consisted of about 150+ photos, people just stopping us in the street and getting snaps, lads felt like celebrities. One old Indian fella even handed his kids over to JC for a photo op, of course the kids were in tears as was JC. We all made our way towards Westminster for the massive Haka at 4pm. All the lads eventually got lost, some not appearing till the next day.

Apparently we had all become quite well known along the pub crawl, for there were always reports of ‘Lycra’ spotting by locals along the way. Of course we all hated this, so in retaliation to unwanted attention we posed for many many photos with the people. Throughout the crawl we would have to pull into a Bottle shop and reload, on one particular stop we had to do so some crowd control also. JC was ordered by the girl behind the counter to empty the store to 10 people, due to the fact that about 40 people were running a-mock! Step in a angry duChats like a curlers best mate swept the riff raff of Kiwis out and put 2 lads on the door to keep them secured, thus restoring Kiwi pride.


The Crawl ends with a huge Haka, which as you can imagine involves 100’s of topless lads slapping knees and looking overly menacing! I can only wonder what the local tourists are thinking at this point. Anyway the lads all went off to different bar in full kit for more madness, myself and Tokaroa ending up back at the flat around 3am!

The Church

So Sunday came, and most of the lads were as sick as a small hospital. But we had goals for this weekend people, and when your wear the lycra its for good, and plus its fuckin hard to take off when unable to walk! So with this in mind we all convened at the legendary Church in Camden town. This place is as close too religious as Ward is to finding that miracle balding cure.

The beauty of lycra as it needs no ironing, or come to think of it washing! As most lads just slept in the thing it was a quick exit to Camden Town for Midday kick off. Smelling like worse than floor we hit the place skating.

There were 5 of us, and to my surprise there were about 7 others already there. Most of the team had backed up. Right, to describe the 4 hrs that followed would be a dead set miracle, because it would be :
a) Take a CSI team to piece together
b) not do the afternoon justice and
c) I really struggle to remember the thing (Which might or might not be a good thing)

To be fair, I will let the Photo below do the talking on this one! This taken just before a massive pile up which resulted in one of the lads with a broken rib and me with a knee more swollen than a English cricketers Ego. Bouncers all decided to get involved, which resulted in one of the more unusual stand-offs since the Poms took on the Zulu’s; 10 Speed Skaters vs. 4-5 Steroid enabled bouncers. A truce was quickly signed and as it was closing time we all skated for the door! Some thinking clothing was optional at this point!


So the Weekend ended at the Walkie in Shepard’s Bush, with the lads all taking center stage and doing the Lycra proud!

Overall I have to say that it was one of the truly great weekends with the lads, was one of those – You really had to be there people!



Till next time! Lycra out!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Waitangi Day Crawl - Pre Event

Well People, this weekend sees the lads hit the famous 'Waitangi Day Circle Line Pub Crawl' in London. 8000+ kiwis celebrating all that is New Zealand'sih! Which means dressing up as fools and drinking our own body weight in booze! Stay tuned for the report from the weekend.

I have sourced the below as our uniform for the 16 lads attending! Special times

Look for the update next week team....should be a cracker! Dublin lads, Bullshit from Amsterdam and Marty Veale from Japan are all making guest apperances!