Thursday, March 15, 2007

Amsterdam Nights

Press Play on the Music button to the right for the full experiance.

Memories of my school life are full of mischief and mayhem, both of which have no place on this particular blog. I often wondered what the whole point of learning was, and still do. But this past week has been different, for history has been our friend. Back then I had my first encounter with an explorer, a mighty explorer from a far off land. This old-school tourist had voyaged around the world to discover a small country which I am proud to call home, and in the process fostering a nation of eager young explorers. Yes people Able Tasman, the crazy Dutch bastard is a legend. And its with this great feat in mind, more specifically his free spirit and need to explore, I will regale you our prodigious trip across the ocean to Amsterdam, home to Able himself among other things! What all this has to do with a drunken lads trip to the city of sleaze is beyond me, but you have to pad these things out a bit…you know, build up the tension.


Once again it was the usual suspects that has been gathered for the trip across the mighty North Sea, plus one more lad from Dublin. Pete, my old work mate would be joining Troy, Harbott and Tokaroa. 3 Kiwis, 1 Irish and an Aussie. All the ingredients of a bad joke, minus the laughter! The catalyst for this trip was an evening with The Killers. Those brilliant rockers from Vegas. Having seen them just a few months back, I was looking forward to another night in the mosh pit! So the lads had got some dodgy tickets on eBay and were heading for the Dam on a quiet Wednesday.


Rather strangely we were staying at Hotel Ben, yes that’s right. Troy thought, for some unfathomable reason, this place looked the goods, but often its hard to live up to a name. See two friends had the mis-pleasure of wandering into its squalid halls a few weeks back, and upon hearing our choice of bed rest, informed us (albeit to late) of its finer qualities. Top of this list being the Everest like stairs to the 3rd floor, Nazi style managerial skills and complementary towels roughly the size of a licked postage stamp and the moister soaking abilities consistent to that of wax paper. (drying by friction anyone). Note: These said ‘friends’ were Joe ‘The Fizzing Rocket’ Ward and Marty ‘The Hornby Hornet’ Veale, who were on a 5 day train wreck across Europe, and I’d hazard to guess were blind drunk at the check in and check out of Hotel Ben. So venturing an opinion from these 2 about our newly booked accommodation, would be as foolish as getting directions from a still living Ray Charles, or perhaps eating ham sandwiches with Mama Cass. I digress, but apparently these 2 idiots got separated on the train, due to it leaving Marty on the platform, smoke in hand as his partner in crime was speeding his way to Munich! Think Dumb and Dumber does Europe. Anyway….not there Blog…..


Hello Grasshopper. One bonus of Hotel Ben, was location. This being about a 10m stroll to the Grasshopper, but a 50m return journey! For those unfamiliar with Amsterdam, the Grasshopper is one of the finer ‘Coffee’ houses in the city. Big and Green, can’t miss it. Now, I’m an honest man so won’t beat around the bush here. When in Rome, it has to be done. So after a ‘Small’ sampling of the good stuff (Still coughing incidentally) we headed off to the Killers concert *. What followed was the funniest cab ride of the week, nothing springs to mind but for some reason we all laughed our asses off for the 20min ride! Concert was nothing short of fantastic, as was the venue. The Heineken music center, which was like a massive bar that happen to have a concert going. Loved it.

*Ed Note: Mum, am not addicted to it! Only did once, and plus it was organic….and that makes it healthy. OK, you can ground me when I get home.

The next day involved a Canal ride, taking in the finer views of the city from sea level…which I can tell you is fuck all (Being very low in the water). Elderstatesmen tour advice – Stick to the Streets people. That night we ended up heading to leidseplein, which we had been told was a good party area. What followed is really hard to put down on paper, but I’ll try. We got stopped by a young kiwi lad trying to sell tickets on a ‘Ultimate Pub Crawl’. Basically they take you to bars, and give you some free piss! Were do we sign…..

After paying our fee and a few warm ups, it was show time. Our American tour leader Steveo had the unsettling task of organizing about 40 people on this thing. Including, by now, 5 rather drunk lads looking for tomfoolery. Now over the years I’ve heard some great fire up speeches, some that would make a grown man cry or an old lady crack some skulls! Think Pachino, Crowe, Churchill, Malcolm X and Anything off Team America. Well people, we can now add Steveo the Pub crawl guy to that. Never have I seen people go from Zero to 100 faster in my life! When we marched off to the first pub, high five’n and hollering, we should have been marching on parliament or conquering a city…but alas, our energy was directed at the next bar! Oh well. We was pumped. Whoop whoop! Steveo Below


What followed was controlled chaos, walking from bar to bar. Never really knowing where we were or our destination, but you know what, that’s the beauty…didn’t know…didn’t care. We met some classics on the pub crawl, but can’t remember any of them and doubt you would care. Except the chap Troy mistook as Harbott from behind, who had the best comb over since Spitty Wilson back at Westlake. Queue Harbott in disgust for the rest of the night, and trying this to explain to German comb over guy! He though we were strange! Haha. My night finished with a drunken stumble past the red light district (just looking people, nothing sinister here, has to be done….looking that is) trying to figure if each one was female and/or male…after 30min of internal debate, and no real answer, I called it a night! Very entertaining watching blokes look left then right, then duck into a window thinking no one saw them, right. This place is crazy.


Day 3 came with another tour, and my second piece of advice. Bus tours – read the fine print. For had we seen the part on ours, saying “we will drop you at a diamond plant” for what was pure boredom and 60mins of our lives we’ll never get back , we all might have passed on that one. As far as the cutting and polishing of any substance goes, never mind Diamonds, you can count me right out! But at least we got some shut eye at the back of the bus! Oh yeah, and I saw a wind mill which hadn’t turned since the last century turned.

I must mention here my Dutch diet, which consisted of frites (Fries) and mayonnaise and the odd burger, and by odd I mean 2. So basically lived off potato…and loved it. If they have a claim to fame, they should take the frites….simple and brilliant. Heineken was also the only other thing drunk, and to be honest, not as good as stuff back home. Sorry, but I know my Heineken…and I must of tested it in every bar…..but the brewery tour was really awesome. Tour advice 3 – do the Tour. You get beer with it, and a gift. Easy.


By now the tour was heading to a almost Ground hog like finish…we new what was coming, but were all powerless to stop it! I’ve always thought originality has been our strong point, but not on this occasion. The lure of another night on ‘that’ Pub crawl, and Steveo’s speech was to much! Back to leidseplein!!!! (Plus 5 Eruo off for next night). This time the lads had knowledge on there sides….trouble. Poor Steveo’s speech didn’t quite have the same affect in round two, as we all piled in with painful comments. There were 120 people on this one, and with them all Chanting Steveo Steveo….he found it very hard to get his message across! The lads quickly formed as the pub crawls veterans, and it was over before it began. This was just and bigger and better version of the night before. We managed to meet up with Riceyand JC, and got them on the tour as well. Honestly saw them for all of 2hrs…I know, good aye! Thanks for showing us around Amsterdam lads……as useful as a Zimbabwean tail ender!

Tour advice 4 – Do the Ultimate Pub Crawl! On either a Thursday or Friday. Brilliant. Might pay not to mention us though…..

So Amsterdam, what can I say. It was all I had hoped for and more. Beautiful City, and very laid back. But a great place to party and meet people. Elderstatesmen seal of approval. But, it really should come with a warning on the label! My liver is looking to sue the city…go figure!

Amsterdam Photos - Click here

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